monthly recap (october 2025)
i feel like i've wasted this entire year over a single second of pain (and running a physical fanzine with 265 artists).
life updates
some things happened and some things happened again. i couldn't draw or write for months, was afraid to be around others, and had serious health scares that turned out to be due to my own lack of diligence in taking my regular meds.
i'm currently fine for the most part, thanks to therapy and meds. i've been able to draw regularly again and i can finally talk to people without feeling stressed out for hours.1 i'm meeting others i can hang out with regularly, even coming out to coworkers...
it's crazy how much setraline worked on the very first day of taking it. it depresses me to imagine the life i could have had if i went on it before my breaking point.
i went to japan for the sideM concert and was very grateful to have met my bestest friends in the world again. my seat for day 2 was insane. seeing my nakkyan and machuyan up close was the biggest treat.
despite it though i'm pretty over being active on twitter and fandom. having an active social media presence never suited me and i feel much freer without it.
but i still like to yap so i'll be around.
idolmaster zine
we completed the idolmaster zine at last! published it for free digitally. i'll do a bigger post on this later.
the whole ordeal made me terribly burnt out so i left sideM santa up to someone else this year. i'm excited to see the turnout!
reminiscences zine
after 5 months of not drawing i knocked out both of my illustrations for the TGAA precanon zine in a week and they turned out to be two of my best pictures ever. i'm him. klint illustration was for the wonderful fic by EatYourSparkOut.
art log
media log
i read/watched a ton of shit while i was out so i'll just comment on the things that stood out, good or bad.
shows
- taskmaster NZ S1: laugh out loud comedy, but i understand the complaints i've seen of guy williams now. love him on new zealand today, he's hilarious live, he's a bit too much of a standout on a gameshow with four other contestants. it doesn't help that the host is his brother.
- kaina of the great snow sea: the worldbuilding was fascinating so i wanted to read/watch more, but i don't remember anything about the actual show.
films
- i care a lot: every character was so intentionally dislikeable that by the time you get to the part where
marla's being threatened and her friends are being killed you're like... ok girl you lowkey got what you deserved. film would have been better if it ended at the hospital scene. - another simple favor:
in the first film, the LGBT shock value was sexy and a necessary part of its storyline. in the second film, the first LGBT shock value—gay rival gangs—wasn't important to the story as they were side characters and the forbidden romance was more to do with them being in mobs—same thing woulda happened if they were straight. the second LGBT shock value was incest. - jennifer's body: the straight sex was scarier than the vampire eating someone.
- kpop demon hunters: liked this WAY more than i expected. it has a bit of that corny cringe humor but it's good overall! enjoyed the music and the story managed to surprise me. also looked amazing of course. celine is hot as fuck. she's a total milf.
- the menu: surprisingly singular take on something that would seem straightforward. there's layers to it!
comics
- land C1-68: the mystery is pretty compelling. even after the reveal of
the other world, you have to wonder why...? - paradise kiss: sooo good. the first part of the story made me feel so intensely as a LGBT art student who doesn't work in art. george telling yukari he'd take her seriously meant a lot to me. i have no hope in myself but i need to believe. the rest of the story is still good but i can't read about straight sex without feeling despondent.
pleased with how it ended, with the exception of arashi staying with miwako—strange choice to keep them together considering what happened to the main couple. isabella was an absolute doll. loved her and her relationship with george. the manga was surprisingly self-referential and broke the 4th wall a lot even though it was so emotional and serious! interesting to see a comic that was published in a fashion magazine too. - the heroic legend of arsland C1-140: SOOO GOOD. it's absolutely gripping, really can be described in no other way than an epic!
- ping pong v1: feel like i have to concentrate hard to tell what's going on, but the clarity of the action artwork is only matched by kagurabatchi.
- the guy she liked wasn't a guy at all c1-93: enjoyed it much more than i expected to. it deserves its popularity. confessing that you want to be friends with a girl by performing radiohead creep to her is the funniest thing ever.
- never say ugly C1-40: pretty interesting read. it's a manga sympathetic to all women.
- giant killing c1-19: love the early cover art and wanted to like this so bad. i really do adore the art style and the main character but i guess the problem is that it's soccer. everyone knows what soccer is already so when you have a manga that's about a pro guiding other pros, there's not much room for the audience to learn so it's all advanced technique i don't care to keep up with.
- kounodori: loved this. pregnancy and childbirth is a topic that i find very difficult to deal with. kounodori doesn't shy away from the scary parts and the struggles that come with it. it's interesting to see the japanese view on motherhood and abortion because it differs so much from the liberal american view (or at least this author's view does). all of the characters were really likeable on their own too; it was a good mix of information and character drama. i liked arai and kudo in particular. did find the secret pianist gimmick kinda stupid though. also the art style shift from start to end is insane.
- kurumizawa's folly C1-8: very promising so far. beautiful artwork.
- after god C1-89: really good mix of action mystery and character drama.
music
- muse: plug in baby may be the best song of all time. it's so fucking awesome that i had been practicing singing it beside a highway (so i wouldn't have to pay the extortive coin booth karaoke fees) in practice for my workplace's next karaoke party but then it turned out the venue didn't have it in their song library.
- radiohead: seven years later, i finally get it. ok computer was the first album i ever listened to in full, as assigned listening in english class.2 i thought it was utter ass at the time and paranoid android was the worst of all, even though i found thom yorke dearly relatable. but after going through something that made it hard to bear listening to pop music, 90s straight guy rock was exactly what i needed. i like the bends in particular.
- system of a down: fucking awesome as hell. so unique, absurd, and consistent.
- sabrina carpenter - man's best friend: i keep all of my sabrina carpenter CDs on my desk at work. i did not decide to buy this one. i still adore sabrina but i hope she can return to more of the subtle maturity she showed in emails.
- joey valence & brae - hyperyouth: man this is like a musical aesthetic tailored towards me.
- jade - that's showbiz baby!: REALLY GOOD. it's unique without sounding garish. i like angel of my dreams, midnight cowboy, it girl...
other
- impact pro wrestling - eliminator: FUCKING PEAK. there were around 400 people in the audience! eliminator format was absolutely crazyshit. loved the joseph kruz and sigma collective storyline.
- guy williams - if you mildly criticise me i'll say it's cancel culture and turn to the alt right: what a blessing my first time watching comedy was guy williams. he's one of my main inspirations for writing and living so i was real excited to see him live. the show was funny as fuck and oh so scandalous.
- tyler the creator - chromakopia tour: tyler's still the spitting image of cool. dance-filled performances of the present, throwbacks to the past, dropping songs from don't tap the glass! ahhh he's way too badass.